Most of the time when we are on the verge of letting go… whether it is a person, a place, a thing, or a memory… we often hold on to it tighter than before. We linger more to the familiarity of it being there with us. We walk and travel a bit slower, taking in each and every memory to be etched in our mind and in our hearts. We absorb the solemnity of the silence, loving each and every moment before saying goodbye. We tend to delay it each time, thinking it may not yet be the right time… But more often than not, the time you decided to let go and move on is the right time to stop holding on. Some say that holding on only prolongs the pain, it only injures more than to heal. But to me holding on only becomes painful when it is overdone, when it already constricts… It becomes destructive when the reason no longer exists.

Letting go entails much more conviction and determination. Deep in the recesses of our mind we all know when to let go. We are just scared of accepting that holding on is our only reason to escape letting go. I am no relationship doctor… I am currently in a limbo trying to dissect and understand my life right now. Like most people, letting go and moving on was never an easy task to me. It needs a lot of will power to stop hoping that it can still work. It is a hard and daunting task trying to erase the memory even if you still want to hold on and remember every feeling you have. All of us experience the out-of-body feeling of crying over someone, fuming mad over him finding someone new… crazy jealous of seeing that the right guy for you had finally found the right girl for him… Letting go has never been easy , but we have to move on and leave this moment that we find so much memory to ogle with.

As for me before I let go, I would like to say thank you for everything, it was a hell of a journey but whats important is that for a short period of time you made me be the happiest I can be. Goodbye.

Ache and Break

We met in a long and blurry journey
Both are left behind
Both decided to stop the cry
And give it a try
It was bliss, complete eternal heart gratification
It started smoothly
All i in a daze
But...
There she came
And captured your heart
Pulled you away to an angel
Pushed by momentary seduction.
Gratified by the princess
He then left the queen
Crying, Cursing, Broken and Beaten.
The moan and wail of an ancient love
Came bursting in a silent explosion of agony
Tears stricken the face of the lover
Swept away and Left alone
By the ache and break of a
Heart Broken Queen.

ONE DAY AT THE TIME

I made a decision, chose to be a man and let you go. My heart says no... My mind says otherwise... I know you're nerver gonna be happy with me... But I still want you to be with me. I wanted to be the brave soldier that I was... Then i let you go. Since the day that I decided to release you... It was always a struggle not to think of you. There maybe times for a split second I forget you.. But when the roars of laughter finally subsides... I cry silently... bursting the thought bubble that I miss. Everywhere I go.. Everytime I am alone... Every little thing seems to remind me of you. Every memory is etched in the the four cornrs of my ind. Every bit of you is imprinted in my heart. There are times when I thought that I made the wrong move... But when i look at your pics.. You seem so happy each time, Each day that passes by. I want to run back to you.. I want to reach you... Want to hold you.. But everytime I do you ran then you hide. Every little bit of you haunts me... Your smell, your smile, the feel of your hand on mine, the soft full lips that touches my soul, The way you laugh... All of you follows me like the beloved ghost. And it is making me crazy... Not being able to hug you and tell you how i feel. Will a simple gust of wind touch your lips? Hold your hand and kiss your cheeks? Will the trickle of rain pour you in a tight embrace and fill the warmth of my heart? I am now going to say goodbye to you not because I have moved on.. But because if making you happy means not being with me... Then i will let you go.. and say no to you one day at the time.

PROS AND CONS OF MRT

I hate using MRT.! But like most people it does not give much of a choice.. i rather have my butt cradled by lolo manyakis rather that endure a 3hr drive of going home. Its rather a very steep choice... what once just a 30minute drive is now 3 hrs drive owing it to jeepneys parked everywhere that their dingy tires get to stopped.

I hate using MRT. You get pushed by "amazonas" who understandably would love to go home earlier.. especially when rain seems to pour out of lamesa dam rather that from the sky. But after 3 failed attempts of having people pushed you around and still you wonder why people from the back got on the train first while you on the very first lane... is still waiting for the 4th train!

I hate using MRT. It is always a struggle before you get home. And you actually think for one second that this is not just an ordinary fare but a battle for the fittest. You then think to have an armour and sword, then poke people just so you could get into the train. Fat chance! You will just get hurdled by "sikyu" with bad breath! Argh!

I hate using MRT! Once youre in the train, the battle does not end because you are sandwiched in a manner that you feel the train is actually charmed by some WIZARD because when you think of it how in the merlin's gray beard this they squeeze in 5 people in a one-seater!

I hate MRT! You smell all kinds of sweat... and you actually know what they do for a living. But still you get immune to the smell of different people.. and in most part, Their sweat become your sweat and your sweat become their sweat. eeeewwww...

I hate using MRT! Because most of the time you dont know whose hand is groping your little privates! Sometimes, I wonder is this just another plot to make "chansing" and when you think of that.. There it is.. the hand that seems to cleverly find their way to settle in your ass!

I hate using MRT! But they did not give much of a choice and as much as i would want to have the power of DISAPPARATING so you could just be amused of how Muggles flex their body parts just to get home.. Haaayyy.. Life is full of birds shit but what the hell can we do?!

Empty

There is a hollow inside of me..
A hole…
A missing part…
Incomplete…
I tried to find it…
Still I am lost in this maze
Then there he was…
Standing serenely…
He help me up…
Held my hand…
And wipe the tears…
I love him
But he loves me more
And I need him…
Because through HIM I am complete…

JUST ONE

Just one touch
And my knees grow weak
Just one kiss
And i let my guard down
Just one whisper
I crumble, I fall
And I'm running back to you
Again.

STRANDED

Hindi gumuagalaw ang daloy ng trapiko.
Umalis ang pasahero.
Malakas ang ulan, Sumigaw ang Kulog, Nagalit ang Langit.
Dapat ba maghintay sa pasahero na umalis
Ng walang paalam, ng walang bayad, ng walang pasabi.
Balewalain ang hirap na baybayin ang kalsada ng Cubao.
Pula, dilaw, berde.
Nagkikilos ang stoplight.
Alin ang susundin?
Hintayin, Mag-abang o tuluyan lumisan?
May dadating, may maghinhintay at may aalis.
Alin ka doon?

TORN

Thousand times you broke my heart
Tore into pieces
Throw it all apart
Million times you said goodbye
No reasons
No emotions
No happy endings
Billion times you made me cry
You made me curse
You made me hate
You made me a fool.
How you could do it
I wouldn't know how
How you could just break me
I dont know why
I did my best
I gave it all
But still you left me
For the billion of times that I want you to stay.